Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
