i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
