Tell her she can't have a vagina
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
