You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
