i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
