it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
