When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
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