I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
