i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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