if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
