And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
