Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
