Do vagina's smell?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
