I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
