The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize