we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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