Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
