just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize