I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
