a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
