Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Randomize
