so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
