I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
