If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
