some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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