ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
