I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
