i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
