Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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