this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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