woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
