Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
