Where is the hickey?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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