You're my little dorito
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize