if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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