She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
