I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
