it was like his penis was on wheels.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
