Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
