I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
