I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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