I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
