you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
