I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
