im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
