i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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