Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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