I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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