I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
