My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
