Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Randomize
