The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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