i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
