Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize