His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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