I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
