Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
A+ Viking dick
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
