"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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