If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
