i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
