dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
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