Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
