Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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