if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
