life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize