Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
