finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize