Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
