we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
