Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My feet surprised me
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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