i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
