I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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