Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
