KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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