I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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