This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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