this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
