my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
