watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
