I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
