I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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