You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
