You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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