what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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