you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
