Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
