my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
