May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
