How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
