Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
