You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
