Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
