im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's shark week go big or go home
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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